July 20 - 26, 2015 An interpretation of the events.
Campground in Utah: She had a machete. The van dribbled engine oil on the ground.
Are you ready? Spare tubes? Check. Spare tire? Check. Salted Nut Roll? Check. Extra bike shorts. Nope. Beer? Check.
Wait! Did you just say you don't like Megadeth?
No country for old men? Psshhhh. We are very immature.
Must be near Purgatory, a.k.a Durango Mountain Resort. Massive gates guarding driveways to chalet-ish homes. Carefully dressed folks tailgating with wine, cheese, and crackers before the symphony performance. Kurt's Lifestyle Audits. Since 1985.
First hut at Bolam Pass. Dry roads? Check. Warm fire just started in the hut? Check. Start of massive downpour of ice-cold rain, just missed? Check.
First night. He hands out ear plugs. He snores. Great. Polite gesture. Though it turns out the others should prolly take a lesson, given the chainsaws-in-the-night competing for supremacy. I, of course, don't snore. Cough.
Woke up panting a few times in the night. No wife to say, "Cool it, mister." Anyway, it was prolly just the thinnish air of nearly 12,000 feet. I'm good.
Says here in the hut journal that a previous party spent nine hours fighting three miles of optional singletrack mud, up to the axles. We took the road, thankfully. Hoping everyone will forget I voted for the singletrack. Heh. Heh.
Breaking our arms every night toasting our good fortune with delicious, warmish beer.
Watched some elk this evening. They don't move since they have a complete salad bar at mouth's reach everywhere they stand. Lush, lush, lush.
Text route description? Check. Ability to orient and read a map? Check. Handy GPS unit for extra help? Check. Getting lost and riding from 7:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m.? Not us. Kurt's Lifestyle Audits. Since 1985.
Team RideEmGood. (Thanks Sam Hall!)
Dinner tonight: Whittled hotdogs out of Spam 'cause we really wanted dogs for din-din.
Impressed the locals with our skinny-dipping skills down at Buckeye Reservoir, then high-tailed it out of there before we got offers we couldn't pass up.
He set the food scraps bucket out in the meadow this evening, hoping to wrestle a bear at midnight. Couldn't sleep. Too much growling in the meadow.
Built the biggest beer-a-mid the Geyser Pass hut ever saw. This is not our first roller derby. No wait! The beer-a-mid was bigger than that, but it kept blowing over in the breeze. Serious.
We danced on the pedals all the way to the top of Carpenter Ridge up out of Paradox Valley. Alpe d'Huez also today in the Tour. Coincidence? Don't think so.
Didn't get lost again. Arrived at next hut early. Bored. Drinking beer and eating peanuts. Thinking about milking a moose to make ice cream to sell to people from Tennessee. Kurt's Lifestyle Audits. Since 1985.
"Your soft parts will only get softer if you keep bathing," he said in an irritated voice. Actually, he didn't say that, but that's what he meant by, "I once went seven weeks without a bath," as I stripped to jump in the lake. Kurt's Lifestyle Audits. Since 1985.
He went out for an evening cougar hunt. Couldn't sleep. Too much meowing in the night.
Blood shot eyes. Loud diesel truck. A can of beer in one hand. An AR-15 in the other hand. "Welcome to Black Mesa. I'm hunting coyotes." That is true. Kurt's Lifestyle Audits. Since 1985.
Premature speculation led us down the embarrassing path of disappointment, only once.
"Don't look down the chute of that composting toilet. Ever. Poop comes out at funny angles."
That's when three bears crossed the road, right in front of us. We failed to notice.
He had a little get-off, and a bloody knee to prove it, but explained the importance of saving the bunny that had crossed just in front of him.
"Well, I'm never not happy to see the hut!"
"Your loaded-down steed will not be like riding your home bike on your home course."
Not wanting to get caught in his first ever traffic jam, our team lifestyle auditor insisted we not pull into Dillon, MT during the five o'clock rush on our way home. We get it. We kept going.
November 4, 2014 - I never feel sad anymore when I kill. I'm way above that. It's a sense of having taken and the reassurance that it was done sustainably. Hunting is conservation.
October 23, 2014 - Never know what you'll come across when you get outside...(scroll down to see more)
by Brink Kuchenbrod
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